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Batman vs Superman is a terrible movie

Mar 25 , 2016

 In 1983, I walked into Brennan's Irving in Blackville and began what has been a lifelong obsession.

 
There on the magazine rack was Batman and The Outsiders #1. It wasn't the first comic book I'd ever bought or read, but it was the one that started my love affair with comics. Issue #1 ended in a cliffhanger, so I had to buy the next one, and the next one.
 
Issue #5 crossed over with The New Teen Titans. I enjoyed that so much, I started reading the series. And from there I found myself falling down the rabbit hole of the DC Universe. 
 
I've been a fan every since. I've not always been happy with DC. The company's current direction is very frustrating, but, I still love the characters.
 
Which is why it has been so frustrating to watch Marvel succeed so amazingly at the box office, while DC has floundered. What's even more frustrating is that I really love the Marvel Cinematic Universe movies, despite never being a fan of their comics.
 
Oh yes, the Nolan Batman trilogy was amazing, but it was an island of greatness in a sea of crap. 
 
Superman Returns, Jonah Hex, Green Lantern, Watchmen. Not exactly cinematic masterpieces or fan favorites. Some will argue the merits of Watchmen, but it's more cartoon than live action. And it has all the usual dark atmosphere and stiff acting that marks a Zach Snyder movie.
 
Man of Steel is only marginally better. There is merit to the movie, but it lacks any true character development and it is joyless, which might be it's biggest failure.
 
Batman Vs Superman was supposed to be the one that changed everything. It was supposed to finally launch the DC Cinematic Universe. It was supposed to be DC's cinematic answer to Marvel.
 
But it isn't. It isn't even close. 
 
BvS is a mess. From start to finish. For starters, it is trying to hard to be too many thing things at once. It's both a Batman film and a Superman film, but also a Justice League film. Too much is simply thrown at the wall to see what sticks.
 
Like Man of Steel, BvS is joyless and cold. It looks cold. All the colors are muted. There is a moment in the bathroom between Clark and Lois that should be sweet and nice and warm. But it isn't. I kept thinking how cold it looked in the apartment, like they were keeping the heat down to save money. All the life is sucked completely out of that scene.
 
That cold look carriers over throughout the movie. Most directors would have use different color palettes to shows the difference between Gotham and Metropolis. But not Snyder. Everything looks the same. Like a drap, gray and cold November day.
 
That could have been forgiven if the movie were any good, but it isn't. The film is essentially one big long reaction to the destruction shown in Man of Steel. Batman is essentially a stand in for every blogger or tweeter who bitched and moaned about how many people would have died in that final battle.
 
At least three times during BvS there are references to fight scenes being virtually or entirely devoid of people. 
 
As for the story, it is far too long and far to meandering. Snyder's love of slow-motion shots reaches a new level of fetish and there are a couple of Batman dreams (yes, you heard that right) that do nothing to further the plot- what little plot there is.
 
There are cameos by the Flash, Aquaman and Cyborg. Instead of being cool, it comes off as a trailer for another movie in the middle of a movie. I mean, literally the film grinds to a haul to bring you a video presentation of other meta humans on Earth.
 
Jesse Eisenberg's Lex Luthor is terrible. Truly awful. It's like he wanted to play the Joker, but he was given Lex, so he just decided to play the Joker anyway. He chews the scenery every time he is on screen. Even if the movie was good, he would have been bad in it.
 
I keep trying to figure out how to describe the plot, but I can't. Basically Batman is angry at Superman because his fellow Kryptonians destroyed Metropolis. Superman, who for some reason seems to have never heard of Batman before despite what is hinted at as a career of about 20 years, because he thinks Batman is too violent. And Lex Luthor wants to kill Superman and is somehow manipulating Batman to do it for him, but also has a back-up plan that involves a cartoon monster that is somehow the love child of Lex and Zod.
 
Gal Gadot's Wonder Woman is the brightest spot in the movie, but only because nobody tries to give her any character development at all. She's devoid of personality or motive. she just shows up in a couple of scenes adding nothing to them, and then shows up at the end to fight the cartoon monster. 
 
I have no doubt that the movie will make money. But that shouldn't give DC the belief that this movie is good. It shouldn't be an indication that they should move ahead with Zach Snyder at the head of another movie. Now is the time to change direction. Suicide Squad looks good and will probably do well.
 
But DC cannot afford more bad movies. And make no mistake this is bad. In fact, I'd rather watch Green Lantern again, than watch BvS.

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